PG-13, 1 hr. 42 min. Directed by:
Paul W.S. Anderson. Release Date: October 21, 2011.
At some point, I have to blame The Matrix for stuff like this. Because really, what we have is one of (in my humble opinion) the best and most realistic adventure novels ever written, and I mean frigging EVER. Any time period, any country, and language, and suddenly you have everyone acting like they're ninjas.
Where do I give this movie positive credit? I liked how they portrayed the Countess de Winter, sort of, although I think Milla Jovovich wasn't even CLOSE to being right for the role. I guess it could have been worse, and they could have cast Sarah Michelle Gellar or Eliza Dushku. That would have been much, much worse. I even liked the addition of Da Vinci's war machine, although the thought that we seem to be expected to believe that no one would come up with an obvious countermeasure... and that they'd have been able to come up with THAT much lighter than air gas is laughable. The action sequences, while out of place in this quiet, but well-loved piece of French literature, were very decent and obviously inspired by Neo.
Where did they go wrong? Well, with a Paul W.S. Anderson movie, you generally have a lot of room to make that decision. Let's see, the whole bit about Louis XIII and Lord Buckingham having this sort of metrosexual tension between (which bordered more than once on the homosexual) was funny for about the first thirty seconds, and then when it looked like Versailles had been turned in to Versace's latest lineups, I lost interest pretty quick. Technology appeared in this movie that wouldn't truly see the light of day for CENTURIES, and again, it was cute, but not that cute. The dialogue was terrible, the delivery was even worse, and I think Milla was stroking out because of all hairspray used to put her weave together. The ending and subsequent sequel foretelling was so bad I don't even want to think about it. Just wait for The Four Musketeers, coming out in the 7 weeks it'll take ole Anderson to crank it out.
But, this wasn't a terrible way to spend a couple hours, although I was admittedly distracted by my first viewing in a "Fork & Screen" theater, which offers a full menu, bar, and seats so wide even my shoulders fit in the confines. The constant waitstaff could have made me think this wasn't so terrible. But I liked the pretty explosions, Orlando Bloom getting his hair messed up, and the swordplay.
If I was a betting man, there'd probably be a picture of Bender on this poster, but alas, there's no time for that this evening.
R, 1 hr. 37 min.
Directed by: David Cronenberg. Release Date: April
23, 1999. Release Date: October 19,
1999.
I
watched this in preparation for my first participation in the LAMBcast: Episode 85 – David Cronenberg’s films. Like most of Cronenberg’s works, I found
myself loving the concept: in this
movie, in a near-future alternate Earth, a video game maker and a PR assistant
get sucked in to a world not entirely under their control by playing a video
game that communicates directly with their central nervous system.
Now
that I’ve seen a few of Cronenberg’s movies, I’ve started to pick up on certain
things. Many of his works involve a
blurring of the line that separates reality and fantasy. Dialogue continually discusses the
“realistic” nature to the fantasy world, and reality is occasionally intruded
upon by things that should belong to the fantasy world. Much of his work also plays with the disgust
response in the average person, and all of it seems to deal with one or more
issues surrounding human sexuality.
There are a LOT of references to “bodily penetration,” particularly how
Jude Law doesn’t like being penetrated (/snicker), and when discussing
accessing Jennifer Jason Leigh’s port, Law says with a smirk, “should I do
you?” It doesn’t take a genius to figure
it out, although it took the scene where you get a close up on Leigh’s port,
and you have just enough time to think, “hey, that looks a bit like—“ when Jude
Law sticks his tongue in to it. The
technology all seems to look like Japanese-made sex toys, and there are no
occasions when the act of “porting” isn’t at least vaguely sexual. There’s very little in the game world that
isn’t tinged with disgust, although it wasn’t as harsh as the disgust factor in
Naked Lunch.
Another
thing I’ve come to think of as a pre-2000 Cronenberg thing is stiff and
strangely awkward performances. Both
Leigh and Law move through their parts as if they’re trying to cover up an
erection with a binder. The characters
are odd by my standards, and most of the gender rules I walked in to their
partnership expecting never happened.
Leigh’s character is sexually aggressive, the obvious leader and mentor,
brave, opinionated, and independent. Her
“office attire” leans toward the vampish:
sheer blouses, half shirts, lots of skin, and tight slacks or
skirts. Law is dependent on Leigh’s
character, is emotional and cowardly, and dresses like someone bought him
cybermonk wear at the local Fuzzy and Warm Emporium. Even when he’s engaged in something sexual,
he’s completely desexualized.
My
reaction is the normal one for a pre-2000 Cronenberg. Interest.
Conceptually, this is a great movie, and I think the story runs very
well, but I would have liked a bit more grounding in the reality of their world
before we go leaping in to eXistenZ. Inception fans will probably like the
various worlds and how they intertwine.
I didn’t love Inception, but I
did like this, probably because it wasn’t broadcasting the flipping end result
to us throughout the movie. Certainly,
if you’re looking for something that’s both fun and thought-provoking, this is
an excellent way to go.
I
do have two complaints. The first is
that the battle sequences in the final scenes are the absolute suck; even by
late 90s standards, those were some pretty pathetic pyrotechnics. The second is the obvious dialogue regarding
the crossing from reality into the fantasy of the game. “Are we still in the game?” is a common line
in various guises, and I think this script was better than that.
