R, 1 hr. 48 min.
Directed by: Robert Moresco.
Release Date: August 18, 2006.
DVD Release Date: September 19, 2006.
I had a single wish when this movie started. The opening credits were hellaciously long,
stretching out over an eternity of open desert.
So, I wished that the movie would get to the point. Little did I know that I’d get what I wanted
in spades. We’re introduced to James
Marsden as Tommy, who is fighting in the Gulf War and who has, quite frankly,
lost his frigging mind. Flashback seven
years prior and we learn that Tommy has actually mellowed with age and that he
and his cousins were way too involved in their Mafioso heritage. They were probably way too involved with the
latest drama on Jersey Shore, too,
but that isn’t actively discussed on camera.
It might just be personal conjecture.
Chances are good that you, like me, will wonder
if you’ve managed to wander in to a tackier version of The Godfather. It’s also
possible that I’ve now associated all movies about the Mafia with The Godfather, because the question does
seem to come up on this blog pretty frequently whenever I start watching movies
about organized crime. But, this felt so
much like that greatest Mafia flick that I kept expecting that song (I don’t
know what it’s called, but you know the one I’m talking about) to start playing
in the background. I suppose what’s gone
down is that half the movie is so clichéd and melodramatic that it fails to
develop its own sense of self. Oh, and
then the clown appeared and starting singing an opera song I remember being in The Godfather. Wait, what? I’m checking my drink.
At the end of the day, the only thing I actually
enjoyed about this movie was Leslie Anne Warren, and her role was so brief that
she couldn’t really do anything to fix this hot mess. There were actually several big names in very
small parts, which was a bit of a surprise:
Val Kilmer appears, as do Dennis Hopper, Brian Dennehy, and Tommy Lee
(I’m hoping some sort of decon was available to the other members of the
cast).
I got to about the 80 minute mark and I did
something that (1) I don’t do very often and (2) I’m a little ashamed at myself
for doing. I turned it off. I just couldn’t watch this keep going on and
on with its insipid little tale of betrayal and machismo so thick it was starting
to smell like aqua velva. I considered
breaking the DVD and telling Netflix it never arrived, but then I thought that
might be a bit of an overreaction. Just
a bit.
If you’re looking for a GOOD organized crime
movie, there are better options: The Godfather, Scarface, Donnie Brasco, Goodfellas, hell, even The Narrows was better, and I’d rather
get a root canal than sit through that drudgery again. This is what happens when I give James
Marsden a chance because he didn’t suck in Sex
Drive.
