Saturday, March 31, 2012

Mirror Mirror (2012)

PG, 1 hr. 35 min.  Directed By: Tarsem Singh.  Release Date:  Mar 30, 2012.

I decided at the last minute to see a movie today, so I made a quick trip to Fandango to find times, and ended up seeing Mirror Mirror.  I hadn’t been all that interested in seeing it once I got past the initial trailer:  I was thinking fairy tale for adults, which is something I like conceptually, but in the wake of last year’s Beastly, I figured I’d take a pass.  But, it had the winning start time and I could fit it in to the other things I had planned this evening, so I went. 

Mirror Mirror isn’t for adults.  Not quite.  The theater was absolutely FILLED with kids when I walked in about five minutes late; a thirty-something, by himself.  Every parent in the joint instantly went into red alert that I might be there for their kids, and I started swearing under my breath.  If I’d known this was a kids’ movie, I would have taken a pass, because I frigging resent like hell that glare that parents give me when I walk in to a kids’ movie.  Now, there were a lot of kids, and a lot of parents grumbling about the content.

The movie waffles back and forth between insanely juvenile and completely appropriate, making pit stops between the two extremes with the regularity of a PCP user in the grip of a seriously bad trip.  There’s violence, vocabulary that the average high school student wouldn’t necessarily know, some pretty blatant and obvious sexual references, and Julia Roberts trying (and failing) at snide.  The movie treats little people like circus freaks, making them somehow both heroes and the butt of about half the jokes in the film.  I spent a lot of time frowning and wishing I’d worn a watch so I could be looking at it.

Now, towards the end, the movie gets funny, but it is the kind of funny that you’re hoping no one will catch you enjoying.  The story follows (vaguely) the tale of Snow White, but seems to borrow heavily from other fairy tales.  I caught references to Robin Hood, and I vaguely remember thinking something else, but I’ve forgotten.  Anyhow, what happens is a story that’s a little muddled.

This is also pretty decent visually.  But it leans towards style without substance.  I wasn’t enamored of the cast, either.  Armie Hammer, who plays the handsome prince of the tale, towers (and I mean TOWERS) over the dwarves and Lily Collins as Snow White.  Roberts monotonous presentation had me wishing I had a kitten to punch, and I did kind of wonder if someone shouldn’t have working on Collins’ guybrows, but that mean streak could be blamed on the rage generated by Julia Roberts.

This isn’t a great movie.  It has endearing moments, and like I said, some great visual effects.  If you have young children, you may want to think twice about this, if for no other reason than to save yourself from having to sit through this crap.  I'm probably going to enjoy watching this tank internationally, since the rest of the world has a problem with the Disney version of Snow White, and, if you can't translate the title above, the French poster titles the movie "Snow White."