Basically, I’ll be spending most of my free time in the theaters in June. That’s not totally out of character, but I’m surprised at the wide variety of movies that will be out. Hopefully they’ll all be available in my area. That’s always the sticking point…
High School – Adrien Brody, Michael Chiklis, Colin Hanks, Matt Bush
What? Me go see a teen comedy involving insane drug abuse? NEVER! Oh, wait, that happens most of the time. I’m not thinking this will be a great movie. I’m mostly hoping for a few mean spirited laughs at the cast’s expense. I was never a pothead, but I always found them to be hysterical, so who could blame me?
Killer Joe – Matthew McConaughey, Emile Hirsch, Thomas Hayden Church
I have a love/hate relationship with black comedy. I love them conceptually, poking fun at something horrible in an effort to shock, or maybe to make something terrible not so terrible. But, it rarely works out. I’m hit or miss on making an effort to see this, and it’s mostly because of the cast. I never like Thomas Hayden Church, rarely like Matthew McConaughey, and haven’t liked Emile Hirsch since Girl Next Door. But, something’s calling to me.
Piranha 3DD – Christopher Lloyd
I didn’t think the Pirahna remake a few years back was all that terrible, although I still have nightmares involving Jerry O’Connell in those speedos. This sequel to the remake (involving only one of the “original” cast members – a clear violation of my sequel rules) suffers from a crazy unimpressive cast, and won’t make it high on my list of priorities. But, I might just go for the boob joke in the movie’s name. I’m unpredictable that way.
Snow White & The Huntsman – Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron
I like the idea of the grown-up fairy tale, although Hollywood hasn’t been great on the delivery of the concept , well, ever. The trailers make this look like it’ll be something to watch, and I’m hoping that this will be Kristen Stewart’s last non-Twilight film, since she’s promised the world that she’ll be retiring and taking her boy toy with her. Also, in WHAT bizzaroverse is Mopey the Dwarf hotter than Charlize Theron? As if.
Bel Ami – Christina Ricci, Robert Pattinson, Uma Thurman, Kristin Scott Thomas
Robert Pattinson continues his efforts in maintaining the most ridiculous hairstyles ever in this period piece. We know I love those, and I like the non-Pattinson cast, so I have moderately high hopes for this. The trailers make it look decent, but we all know how misleading those can be. I might make excuses on this one, and I’m hoping it’s hard to find in the DFW sprawl.
Prometheus – Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce, Noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron
I have absolutely NO idea what the hell this movie’s about, but I’ve been aching to see it since the first trailers back in… February, I think. Sci fi’s been at a premium since Avatar, and I’m thinking for this to have the cast and the visual effects it has, there must be a decent story behind it. I’m also excited that this might be one of those Fassbender movies where he keeps his pants on.
Rock of Ages – Tom Cruise, Russell Brand, Julianne Hough, Paul Giamatti, Catherine Zeta Jones
Over the last few years, I think Hollywood’s done a decent job reintroducing musical film. I’m thinking it must have started with Moulin Rouge, but I haven’t seen a musical since 2000 or so that I have thought was bad. From the trailers, there’s a great cast assembled and I’m not going to be complaining about the music. So… I can’t think of a reason NOT to go see this.
That’s My Boy – Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester, James Caan
After last year, Adam Sandler needs to apologize to the world for Jack and Jill, and this might just be that apology. While the situation is the usual ludicrous chain of impossible events that you’d expect from Happy Madison productions, I’ve been laughing at the trailers for a while now. I’m actually going to be making a Sandler film a priority for the first time in like a decade.
The Tortured – Erika Christensen, Jesse Metcalfe
There’s probably a good reason that neither of these guys have been highly visible. Metcalfe appears and disappears at random, usually dumping a terrible movie or two in his wake, although I have noticed that when he’s not the focus of the film, it’s usually a decent movie that he just happens to have a part in. If nothing else, this might be worth going to for the violence.
The Woman in the Fifth –Kristin Scott Thomas, Ethan Hawke
This is probably going to be one of those that I can’t find easily here in DFW, and I’m totally expecting it to contain the grossest kiss since Madonna, Ned Beatty, and the spit lines in Dick Tracy, but I’m intrigued by what I know of the movie. I may have to make a trip to the Anjelika to see it.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter –Rufus Sewell, Mary Elizabeth Winstead
There’s a lot about this movie to draw concern. It takes itself WAY too seriously. The cast is made up almost exclusively of D-listers. It combines Glory with Buffy. It looks like someone is trying (and failing) to channel Tim Burton. I actually thought this was Tim Burton until a few weeks ago. But, the special effects that I’ve seen to date look absolutely sick, and I expect the fight choreography to be outstanding.
This won’t be a priority for me because I don’t like the dirty looks I get when I go alone to a kids’ movie. I think the animation is pretty decent, on par with Pixar’s best works to date, and it looks like it will be pretty funny. I also appreciate that Merida provides a really good female role model for little girls. From what I’ve seen, this isn’t no waif, and she doesn’t put up with boy crap. I wish the girls in my family had had her around when they were smaller.
Seeking a Friend For the End of the World –Steve Carell, Keira Knightley
I’m on the fence here, since the trailers make it look funny, but I haven’t really, really loved the last few movies done by either Carell or Knightley. I’ll probably wait and see if I can find a group of people going to see this one specifically and tag along. Or, I might just wait for Netflix. Either way.
GI Joe: Retaliation –Channing Tatum, Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis
We know that I hate Channing Tatum, but 21 Jump Street has me reassessing my thoughts about him. What I think is that he’s a terrible actor who needs the right role (and scene partner) to be decent. I also think no summer month should go without celluloid explosions and ninjas, so it’s not likely that I’ll be missing this.
Magic Mike –Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Matthew McConaughey, Cody Horn
I’m not sold on this. What I’ve heard from the internet has been mostly positive, but I’m pretty sure that I’m NOT the target audience here. Considering that the cast seems to be a whos who of my least favorite actors in Hollywood today, I may just wait until other people see it first, and then make a decision based on what they say.
People Like Us – Chris Pine, Elizabeth Banks, Olivia Wilde, Michelle Pfeiffer