PG-13, 1 hr. 52 min. Directed By: Luke Greenfield. Release Date: May 6, 2011. DVD Release Date: Aug 16, 2011.
I’m going to start out with applause. I have a new favorite character: Dex. He’s engaged to a woman, then manages to not only successfully reel in her best friend, but keep her dangling while actively still sleeping with his fiancée (while the best friend is in earshot). I’m no slouch in the mean department, and I’ve caused less emotional damage on PURPOSE. Better yet, after all the dust settles around this mess, he not only manages to have me rooting for him, but he walks away with absolutely everything he wants. God, I wish I was pretty instead of smart, because then I could wreak that kind of havoc and get away with it. Being smart, I generally get away with what I do because no one figures out it was me. Now, Dex has a slew of traits that pisses me off: he’s completely spineless and can’t make a decision to save his life. Everything has to be done for him, or he sits idly by and takes whatever falls in to his lap. He’s got no goals he’s willing to act upon, and few (if any) spoken ambitions. He’s pretty far from my idea of what manhood is supposed to be about that I’m surprised any woman would be attracted to this idea… but what do I know?
Apart from Dex’s accidentally evil machinations, there wasn’t anything here I thought real worthwhile. There are a few laughs (more if you’re mean spirited), and a few parts of this farce that could have come out of my own romantic history. I still kick myself for letting my own issues interfere with a girl I met a few years ago. I should have said something, and never did, even when I was told she felt the same. In that, I sympathize with both Dex and Ginnifer Godwin’s Rachel. Oh, John Krasinski’s Ethan was great. Everyone should have that friend that’s always the voice of reason, no matter how insane. No one should have a friend like Kate Hudson’s Darcy, and yet, I know we all do. That’s about it.
After that, I thought the story was trite and predictable to the point where I could have navigated the ebbs and currents of this placid river with a blindfold and some water wings. The characters generally sucked, particularly Rachel. Watching this relationship was like hearing my female friends who have been involved with a married or engaged man talk about that relationship. It doesn’t happen often, but I’m beginning to think I can make some sort of self-help primer/platform course on why you shouldn’t be sniffing around someone else’s back porch using only Ginnifer Godwin movies as source materials. I could make millions. And while I liked Dex to the extent that he was like the human iceberg that sank the Titanic, Colin Egglesfield is one of those “leading men” whose careers will revolve around these cheesy romances until his looks start to fade, then it’ll be “bye-bye.”
Something Borrowed has its moments. A few of them. It suffers from poor story development, worse character development, and a plot that’s so formulaic I could have predicted the ending (and even the “twists”) with a Ouija board in the middle of a blackout drunk. Unless there’s someone here you just really, really have to see, I’m recommending you take the pass.